Becoming Myself: Goal Setting for 2018

Inspired by a conversation had on New Years Eve with some friends I love dearly, I woke up this morning asking myself the most basic of questions "Who do you want to be."

For most people this might feel like a no brainer or a question that you ask yourself regularly. That is not the case for me. My childhood was spent watching a mentally ill mother desperately try to make ends meet. This kind of higher level thinking about identity and forging your own path was a luxury not a available to her or myself.  

As I have aged and gained more control of my basic needs I find myself bobbing between basic survival mind and altruistic self discovery. It is a constant tug of war between old situation and new. 

2017 was a huge year of growth for me. My biggest take away is that I indeed can impact change. I can make hard decisions that better my future and I can ultimately determine my own outcomes. This is not to say that there aren't things outside my control, but a realization that I have an impact on my future. 

So back to my original question, "Who do I want to be." After finishing my Powersheets this year I wasn't particularly jazzed about the goals that I had set. Chris and I are planning to start a family soon and my goals revolve around becoming more ready to be parents. While this is exciting and I am thrilled about the idea of having kids, this again felt like me outsourcing my planning. I was planning for our future children, not myself. 

Today I changed that. I made a list of 5 things that align with who I want to be as a person. I am certainly going to keep my Powersheets goals because they are important in helping us get to a spot to be better parents, I am much more excited about this list. 

  1. Care for the planet- I want to increase my recycling! It may sound silly but caring well for the earth is so important to me and I want to do a better job of throwing less away and reusing, reducing and recycling more. I want to compost. I am not doing this yet so it is now a 2018 goal but I am a vegan who gardens, not composting is just stupid.
  2. Simplify- I want to use less, have less and want less. I want my space to be clean and clear of clutter. I want to be satisfied with the possessions I have and spend less money on accumulating stuff that does not serve me. I hope to reflect this in my wardrobe as well. I want to wear simple clothing that is versatile and fits (recent weight loss is making this one a little tricky). I want to purchase clothing that will last and make me feel comfy and put together everyday.
  3. Walk with inspiration- I know how to care for my soul yet I and guilty of depriving myself of exactly what I need. I want to be better about hiking, meditating, climbing and fueling my need for adventure. I let myself be a homebody when really I need to be a person among the trees. I need to feel grounded and full of peace and the only way to accomplish this is to change my rhythms.
  4. Care deeply for others- I love loving. I let myself become distracted from intentionally loving my friends and family well. I want to send cards and remember dates and fully engage with the people who have let me be a part of their story. 
  5. I want to be a good mom- This was the hardest part of planning for 2018. I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I remember but I had been believing the lie that I couldn't be a good one. I believed that I was too cold, harsh and analytical to ever nurture something well. What I was really doing was holding the opinion of those on the outside higher than those who actually knew me well. I have sense begun the process of pealing off layers of insecurity and armor to live more fully into my real being. What a freeing experience! Not only can I become who I want to be I can accept who I actually am and silence the opinion of those on the outside. (Note: It is important to create an inside and outside. Not everyone deserves to be in your inner circle and you have control of that too!)

   Setting goals can be scary, especially if you've tried before and failed but let me cheer you on. You CAN do it. It is possible. Your future is dictated by you. Let me know what you are working on or working towards. I would love you encourage you throughout the year to keep at it.